Strokes: A Winning Formula for Career Success

Strokes: A Winning Formula for Career Success

Written By: Dr. Gandham Sri Rama Krishna

Published in the HRD Times, Chennai, February 2013, Vol.15, No.2, PP.20-21. ISSN: 0976-7401.

                                                                               

Stroking is recognizing the presence of others. A stroke is “any implying recognition of another’s presence”. It applies to all types of recognition. Individuals seek recognition in interaction with others. Jongeward and Seyer observe that ‘individuals need strokes for their sense of survival and well-being on the job’.  A good share of satisfaction we get from work depends on the strokes available from others. When they are not able to get these from others they try to set a situation where they satisfy their needs for strokes.

It may be positive, negative, sarcastic or mixed. Stroke giver/ user are called as stroker, and who receive the stroke is called as strokee. 

Sincere ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ never go out of style-stay away from meaningless and phony pleasantries. These are the following stroke – words used in our day-to-day life, such as;

·        Thank you….thank you

·        Congratulations on your success

·        Very good…very good

·        Well done my boy….keep it up

·        Your performance also very good

·        You  are also very lucky person

·        You look very pretty /charming

·        Good morning…good afternoon….good evening

·        Namaste sir….adabarsey…. salaam malekum

·        Wishing – oh! ….hai….how are you?

The concept of strokes is a way to measure the attention that one person gives to another. A stroke was defined by Eric Berne, the founder of transactional analysis, as a unit of recognition. This means that whenever we make eye contact with someone, we acknowledge them and we give them one unit of recognition, or a stroke. The same happens when we smile at someone, say hello, or frown at someone. Each time we acknowledge the other person in a small way or big way. A big way could be saying “I love you” to someone. 

Strokes come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. We distinguish between positive or negative strokes, verbal or non-verbal strokes, and conditional or unconditional strokes. Positive or negative is an easy distinction;

·        Positive Stroke:  This type of strokes develops emotionally healthy persons. For example, “you did the job well”, “we are proud of you”. Positive strokes are those that are deemed positive by the giver and the receiver, a positive stroke could be a smile.

·      Negative Strokes: This type of strokes is the ones that are not. Whilst a negative stroke might be “I don’t like you”.

·        Verbal Strokes:  Could be “I like your jeans”.

·     Non-Verbal Strokes/Physical Stroke:  These are distinguished in a similarly obvious way; a non-verbal one might be a nod of the head when you see someone you recognize.   

·      Conditional strokes: These are given as a response to what the receiver is doing for us. They can be earned and we tend to call them praise if they are positive. For example, “Well done” or “You need to improve on that”, or a smile to approve of a child having taken their shoes off at the door.  

·        Unconditional strokes: These are those that are given without reference to what the receiver is doing. An unconditional stroke are “I like your eyes” or “I love you”.  In negative side “I don’t like you” of “I hate you”.

The American psychologist Eric Berne’s,  theory explains, ‘why babies in orphanages who are fed, watered and kept warm, still die if they are not held and stroked’. Without strokes, they give up the will to live. As babies we demand mainly physical attention. For example, we understood that a smile is a positive unit of recognition, whereas a pinch is negative. Just as there are positive and negative ways of getting attention, there are also conditional and unconditional strokes. The most powerful strokes are the unconditional ones, as they are based on who we are rather than what we do. So an unconditional negative stroke might be “I hate you”, and an unconditional positive stroke might be a hug. A conditional negative stroke might be ‘you trainer are crap’ and a conditional positive might be “I like you when you lend me your clothes”.

As a society in which appropriate behavior is so important, we tend to give conditional strokes more easily than unconditional ones. Although this is good and useful, we also need to affirm the people around us for just being there. At the end of the day we are called “human beings” not “human doings”! The fact that we are (i.e. that we are “being”) is more important than what we are doing. A lot of people experience lacks in the types of strokes they receive, mostly when it comes to the unconditional ones.   

Strokes are necessary for us, this links with inbuilt hunger for relationships and contacts. As human beings we are designed to be social creatures and we need attention, love and recognition from others. If we don’t get any of them we feel lonely and miserable, maybe even abandoned and despairing, which is why negative strokes are better than no strokes?   

Strokes are classified into degrees

·        1^st degree strokes are maintenance strokes. For example, good morning, human relations, thank you very much, etc.  

·        2^nd degree strokes are position and status related strokes. For example, you are great sir.

·  3^rd degree strokes are remembered of past events/ past success/ past achievements. For example, you have succeeded previously therefore next step will become easy to reach success.

·    4^th degree strokes are super strokes. For example, birthday gifts and birthday greetings, New Year wishes and friendship wishes or Valentine’s Day wishes, teacher’s day wishes etc.

· 5^th degree strokes are plastic strokes. For example, too much praises, extraordinary praises and simulation praises.  

Reference:

• Eric Berne (1973), What Do You Say After You Say Hello?  New York: Bantam Books.
• Dorothy Jongeward and Philip Seyer (1978), Choosing Success: Transactional Analysis on the Job, New York: John Wiley, P.5.
• David C. McClelland (1961), The Achieving Society, Princeton: Nostrand. 
• L.M.Prasad (2005), Organisational Behaviour, Sultan Chand &Sons, New Delhi.
• Arnold Fox, Barry Fox (2010), Positive Thoughts Positive Action, Jaico Publishing House, Mumbai.
• Akpakwu A.O (2003), Human Resource Management Towards Stable Higher Institutions, Benue State University of Education Journal, Vol.4, No.1.
• A.R.K.Sarma (2011), Winning Formulas to Become Successful Managers, Sri Sarada Book House, Vijayawada.
• Bandura,A (1969), Principles of Behavioural Modification, New York, Holt, Rinehart Winston.
• Bandura,A (1977), Social Learning Theory Englewood Cliffs, N.T.Prentice Hall.
• Biswanath Ghosh (2007), HRD and Management, Vikas Publishing House Pvt. Ltd. New Delhi.   
• B.Vaikumtam (2003), Personality Development, Kalyani Publishers, NewDelhi.